Don the Con

Donald Trump con man

Stuart Lyle

While it may seem trivial, even a little adolescent, I want – to use a phrase that has gone out of favor – to call a spade a spade.

Don the Con made a lot of mileage choosing unflattering nicknames for his opponents, ones that had a ring to them that helped them stick. Who can forget…

  • Lyin’ Ted
  • Little Marco
  • Low-Energy Jeb

And, of course, the one that struck the deepest:

  • Crooked Hillary

They all follow a simple formula that has been documented multiple times.  Don the Con has used this formula for years to con whoever it was he set out to influence.  He comes up with a simple but insinuating insult, associates it with his opponent’s first name, and then repeats it ad nauseam.  These names stick in the public consciousness, particularly as the mainstream media falls over itself to repeat the Con’s every outlandish comment.

The surprise is that over the last two or three years, through the Republican primaries, the general election campaign, and since, his opponents never returned the favor with an equally unforgettable insult.  Even Stephen Colbert gave it a go, but with questionable success.  Certainly no one has come up with something that stuck, because if they had, you would already know it.

I don’t make a habit of coming up with insults for people, but I have decided to make an exception.  The sobriquet, “Don the Con,” may not fit the rules of the very best insulting names.  In the examples above the insult is first, followed by the first name.  A more unforgettable, more insulting name would no doubt come with more experience.   Nevertheless, Don the Con has a nice ring to it, something that makes it easy to remember.  It may have legs…

You should not think I do not take this seriously.  I tried some others (at least, in my head) before I settled on Don the Con.  There was Teflon Don, a nod to one of the great gangsters of 20th century America.  Unfortunately, “Teflon” is a material and not a very good insult.  There was Slimy Don and Slippery Don, both adequate as insults, but somehow too generic to hit the mark.  They missed the essence of the individual in question.

And by the way, notice that not once in this post have I needed to refer to any other name than Don the Con.  That’s because we all know who it is referring to, the number one rule of a good insult.  I hereby put this insult into the public domain, please feel free to use it in all situations, even ones where you might have previously considered it poor taste to insult the President of the United States.

11 thoughts on “Don the Con

  1. Another suggestion: “Draft-Dodging Donnie.” Or, more specific, “Heel-Spur Donnie.”

    The Donald loves to pose as a He-Man. He’s proud of his attendance at a military school. But when the Vietnam War came calling, heel-spurs kept poor Donnie out. Along with four educational deferments.

    Of course, heel spurs might be subsumed under “Don the Con”!

  2. SWATDon (SlimyWeaselAssholeTrumpDon). Kinda long. Media won’t print it or say it out loud. And definitely not nearly as insulting as his actions call for. So, never mind.

    I can always tell when The Con writes his own tweets or adlibs a prepared speech segment, because it sounds pretty much exactly like a line some third or second tier hood in a Jersy crime family organization says in a pool hall scene from The Sopranos.

  3. How about “Don, the Groper” I also like “draft dodging Donnie”. The trick is to find an adjective that somehow embodies a real weakness in your adversary. Fire away folks.

  4. It is difficult to nail down one perfect description for a creature that’s a walking, breathing insult to humanity. (Yeah, some day I’ll tell you how I REALLY feel about this guy!) For what it’s worth, I came up with a name for Donald a couple weeks ago that was original at the time to best of my knowledge. [I don’t have a Twitter account and don’t read every single post on Facebook–who could?!?] It doesn’t fit the structure you’re exploring here. At any rate, I declared on Facebook that he is “Tyrannosaurus Rump, Latin for ‘terrible lizard that makes an ass of itself,’ T. Rump for short.” I also issued an apology to the order of Lizards, which are almost entirely benign critters. And T. Rump is what I’ve continued to call the guy since. Feel free to join me.

    • I’d bet real money he’d take that as a compliment, and acknowledgement of his demonstrated superiority as the most powerful leader on the planet. He probably even believes it about his physical attribute, too.

      • We can say he’s “a major dick” in general, for sure! But his “physical attributes”? He’s got SMALL HANDS, don’t forget!!…At the risk of opening a whole additional can of worms, T. Rump’s unscripted performance at T. Rump Tower today was genuinely surreal! He implied–no, he pretty well explicitly stated–that blame for the violence in Charlottesville should be laid at the feet of the anti-Nazi demonstrators. He even invented a new political strain: “the alt-left”!! And look out, Washington and Jefferson, your statues will be next in the line of fire of “political correctness”! My head still hurts several hours after being subjected to this latest madness.

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